Who Cares?

It's a statement that I can't say I succeed in, but, it's been hitting more and more. I've always been the person who cares what people think of me, it's a constant war within me, to conform and care what people think and then another to be my own person, to be independent. And although I hardly succeed and am constantly fighting, the fact of "Who cares" is starting to take a more prevalent role in my life. I'm getting it in part in particular. Worship.

Worship was never a huge deal for me. It was at certain times more than others. You know you sing, raise your hands and let the Holy Spirit speak to you. Yes, your supposed to worship God, but we as humans tend to worship other things, a common statement in the Christian church. But up until now. I had never seen raw worship. A lot of times it seemed like it was a show. There are some people I know that it wasn't show with, it was raw worship! And I forgot the raw worship of Africa. The dancing, the singing, the joy. The joy in which there is no way of denying God is beyond any comprehension of the human brain. As much as we try we can't begin to imagine, because our tiny heads can't began to describe the awe and wonder of Him.

Im not to the point that I can say I'm all in. I don't care. It would be false if I did. The truth is I still do find my self goung "what if such and such sees me, are they going to think..." but it's not as much apart of everything I do...it's fading as I'm being stretched. The statement "I don't care" can be a tricky one. Where you can become so callous toward everyone that you don't have any compassion, or you can be totally opposite and totally care that you let people walk all over you. It's a fine line. The trick is being to the point of yes, you stand up for yourself when needed, but you can be taught, you can have compassion and yet your not mean.


We went to the orphanage on Monday and God aloud us to be an instrument in leading about eighteen children to Christ. So now we are discipling them. Jordan and Robbie are discipling the boys, Kristin and I the girls. Which personally I think God has a sense of humor, because we both took a test on gifts, and are gift of teaching was very low. But, we were just like okay...we need to be stretched obviously. So we are being stretched and put out of our comfort zones!

We have a lot going in. Being kept on our toes, and yes there are times I want to pull my hair out with my students. But God has given me such a love for them. I find myself constantly saying stuff my mom did to me and brother when we were younger, or thinking "Oh my gosh I'm so glad, they raised me that way". Even though when I was in the situation the statement always was "I will never be thankful for this" and now I am, but most of that was out of the independent and stubborn. So, yes the statement is so true that your parents get smarter as you get older. I

It still amazes me how much God has molded and shaped me for this trip with past experiences, camps and jobs. He's all in this.