I Stand In Awe of You

I'm sitting here up late on Wednesday night because someone had coffee at 9:00 pm, but in her defense it was Starbucks blend. And now she's paying for it. Anyway, I really want to write something but have no clue what to write ABOUT, subject wise. So it's coming as the the Lord leads. May be slightly sparatic but it's as he leads.

I was reminded last night of how awesome God is. Yesterday, was sunny and warm, then last night a huge windstorm hit, lightning, some hard rain. And I love storms but this was harsher then most. So last night I got to see lightning go across the African sky, I was sitting on my roommates bed and just watching it. The electricity had gone out, everything was dark and you could only see the lightning bolts. And as I'm sitting there in awe of how awesome God is, the beauty of it was amazing(and at times slightly terrifying). The bolts would light up the sky, and sometimes they were behind the clouds so you could see through the clouds almost. Then this morning it was like it never existed, except for some trees down, and scattered branches. It was like God was just saying "Here I am"!

There is book I read growing up, an Easter children's book. It's about this girl who was given some seeds to plant by her father, and she was rather sad about it because she wanted something better, so she put the seeds in a box, in the dirt,in the cellar and forgot about them. Finally, she just threw them out in the garden because she was so mad, and on Easter morning there were the flowers, beautiful lillies and she was so excited. That's me. Back home I put God on the shelf and forget about him, and only bring Him out when I need to. Not just in the hard times, I often say its because I can't see him. I'm someone who needs to see things to remember. I guess that's my excuse, but He's given me a reminder, the wind. Just about every prayer group, worship session, or anything, randomly a gust of wind will come through, and Gods just reminding me. But he's showing himself more and more.
I don't like the Old Testemant. Never really have. And as base we are reading it together in "Home Cell" groups. Right now we are in 1 Samuel, but it's been so interesting to see the cycle of the Israelites. I'm sitting there going, "What the heck are you thinking, how many times do you have to learn the same lesson?". And it hit me, that's us and God is watching us going how many times do I have to show you, how many times do we have to go through this? Even in my class I have to repeat things it seems fifty million times and it's like, do we seriously have to do this again. And I'm the Israelites, there was one lesson in particular growing up that I had to learn a lot. ALOT! And I'm sure my parents were saying the exact same thing "Seriously, we have to go through this again". So how many times does God have to prove himself to me? How many times do I have to be reminded? How many times does my "Dad" have to punish me to get in my head? How many times do I have a altar to a "god/idol" that I build unconciously? How many times do we as Christians decide and think that God isn't enough to get us out of our problem? A lot. I also realized I'm Saul. Saul cared about what the people thought of him and that was his downfall. Not what God thought. It goes back to my last post..."Who Cares". I'm learning not to care, learning is the key word.

We took tests on our "Motivational Gifts" and how God designed us. I the test I was high in Serving and Exhortation, and in another test I was high in Mercy but low in Exhortation. Anyway, they broke the down and gave a description and the pros and cons to them, as well as the traits found in children. I'm sitting there listening to the descriptions and I have never felt so pin pointed in personality in my life as I'm reading and listening to Mercy and Serving. I was like "Gee, I don't feel as crazy, that's why I respond that way". It' doesn't always make it right, but it explains, why I am who I am. And I react the way I react. But I realized. I'm a people person, and I never want Satan to let that be my downfall. I want to care only what God thinks, and like David be after Gods heart. What made David so amazing wasn't that he hardly sinned. It was that when he sinned he repented. He worshiped. He knew God intimatley. Are we that way?

God has consistently been reminding me of his majesty, in the children, the beauty, in my work. Is it glamorous? Far from it. Are there times I'm grumbling while doing my job? Yes. But He has always been sovereign. About the time I think I don't have the energy, He gives it to me. About the time I'm grumbling, He reminds me of why I'm there. And about the time I'm frustrated and down hearted I see a child smile. Gods here in this school. He's here in the orphanage. He's here in Africa, and the world. He's the Potter, Painter, and the Sculptor. And the Master is teaching me that the trick isn't where you go that day. It's how you go about the day. It's if you seek out his creation and see him in it. Then you will see the wonders that He created. And only be in more awe, and just be able to take a peek of his limitless glory.

Who Cares?

It's a statement that I can't say I succeed in, but, it's been hitting more and more. I've always been the person who cares what people think of me, it's a constant war within me, to conform and care what people think and then another to be my own person, to be independent. And although I hardly succeed and am constantly fighting, the fact of "Who cares" is starting to take a more prevalent role in my life. I'm getting it in part in particular. Worship.

Worship was never a huge deal for me. It was at certain times more than others. You know you sing, raise your hands and let the Holy Spirit speak to you. Yes, your supposed to worship God, but we as humans tend to worship other things, a common statement in the Christian church. But up until now. I had never seen raw worship. A lot of times it seemed like it was a show. There are some people I know that it wasn't show with, it was raw worship! And I forgot the raw worship of Africa. The dancing, the singing, the joy. The joy in which there is no way of denying God is beyond any comprehension of the human brain. As much as we try we can't begin to imagine, because our tiny heads can't began to describe the awe and wonder of Him.

Im not to the point that I can say I'm all in. I don't care. It would be false if I did. The truth is I still do find my self goung "what if such and such sees me, are they going to think..." but it's not as much apart of everything I do...it's fading as I'm being stretched. The statement "I don't care" can be a tricky one. Where you can become so callous toward everyone that you don't have any compassion, or you can be totally opposite and totally care that you let people walk all over you. It's a fine line. The trick is being to the point of yes, you stand up for yourself when needed, but you can be taught, you can have compassion and yet your not mean.


We went to the orphanage on Monday and God aloud us to be an instrument in leading about eighteen children to Christ. So now we are discipling them. Jordan and Robbie are discipling the boys, Kristin and I the girls. Which personally I think God has a sense of humor, because we both took a test on gifts, and are gift of teaching was very low. But, we were just like okay...we need to be stretched obviously. So we are being stretched and put out of our comfort zones!

We have a lot going in. Being kept on our toes, and yes there are times I want to pull my hair out with my students. But God has given me such a love for them. I find myself constantly saying stuff my mom did to me and brother when we were younger, or thinking "Oh my gosh I'm so glad, they raised me that way". Even though when I was in the situation the statement always was "I will never be thankful for this" and now I am, but most of that was out of the independent and stubborn. So, yes the statement is so true that your parents get smarter as you get older. I

It still amazes me how much God has molded and shaped me for this trip with past experiences, camps and jobs. He's all in this.

Faith

  We are here, and all of us passed "Bootcamp"! Oh my gosh you guys if I sat and told you everything that has happened you would be here for a while! I am only going to sum it all up in three words. I am learning. Every day God is showing me something, but what has stuck out the most was the lack of faith I have. The people here have mustard seed at least, and if they have that, how little is mine? I finally figured it out, the reason I have so little. The society I am in, I don't exercise faith back home because I DON'T NEED IT!! I have everything I  need, if I don't, I go and get it. When Jesus says "It is easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle then for a rich man to get into the kingdom of God", growing up I always thought it was he because he didn't want to part with his possessions, and yes thats apart of it. But the rich man doesn't have much faith because, he doesn't need it. He has everything, he doesn't have to depend on God. Here you do. Someone told me once, "once you go to Africa, it gets into your skin, you get hooked", it's so true.

  Our plane ride was safe, long, but very encouraging. We met so many missionaries on the way and in the plane, two traveled with us all the way. One of them was a life savor, we were told the wrong gate, and she went to look on the screen and it was totally the opposite. I am going to say this again........it was LOOOOOOONG! But movies and giddy team mates were a God send. The food was interesting.

   I am so blessed to have the team mates I do. We have all been amazed, at how we are hand picked to be here. It's been proven so many times, there is no way any human can pick it out! It was all God. We have laughed together so many times, and cried separately, not together yet. My room mate and I have so much fun, we are working on memorizing James together, love it.

  Okay so third day working with children, and Grade 1 is so my grade. I am falling in love with the children. So they did the all time "lets get the new teacher trick", they tried to switch names on me...it doesn't work when some of the boys in the back of the line are laughing and giggling. :) In Grade 1, I help them with their reading, math, and check their work. I'm the "assistant teacher", the school system is set up differently so thats the easiest way to describe my title. I'm basically just the eyes and ears of the teacher. It's amazing, this wasn't the grade I wanted to work with, because I worked with 3rd and 5th in the past, I assumed that would work. Nope, Grade 1. Sweet children that just want attention. I had to discipline one of the boys, and after school was over he came and gave me his piece of candy that he had for that day.

  We went to our outreach today. We had understood that it was an orphanage, it's actually not. It's for the vulnerable children, which means the children that have lost there parents and are living with an elderly grandmother who can't take care of them. It was very humbling. About the time I am thinking that I have been humbled, thats when the Lord gives me another slice of humble pie. They don't speak English, they speak Venda/Vendu. The children at the school have to speak English.

  We have had our fair share of spiritual warfare. Nothing life threatening, but alot of mind games. As we are going into these next three weeks, just keeps us in prayer. We are getting out of the honeymoon phase, and into the reality of it all. I have only had one moment so far where I made the statement "I can't do this". I was tired, hot, trying to sleep, and covered in mosquito bites. And the Holy Spirit gave me a verse Philippians 3:14. Which was one of the verses I received at my a party. By a little girl in my small group in church.

 My heart is slowly trying to relocate. I say trying because the next few weeks are going to be tough. Our team is constantly being reminded of why we are here. We are surrounded by amazing men and woman of God. Some are Americans, which was wonderful to know, because it's easier, they can relate.

  Camping for ten days was eventful, first night in a tent, my tent mate(Shea) and I were getting ready for bed when we here this scratching noise under the tent...it was termites. Yay! So we slept with the noise of termites crawling around all night. And these are about two centimeters long...ugh! I was finally, truly disgusted by a crawling bug. Then we went monkey hunting. We were getting ready for maintenance and there was a monkey in a tree across the field. A little smaller than a baboon, our Supervisor, Piet, grabbed his air rifle and we go monkey hunting in the singles living quarters. It was a holiday so no one was there. Then we ate a finch, one of the guys decided to kill it and then eat it. The team tried it, I wasn't to fond of the idea. For some reason.

  I could be here for days telling you all of the things that have happened. I was telling my mom, looking back everything that I have done over the years has prepared me for this. Living History, helping build a house, farming, everything. I'm not afraid of hard work, I may not always want to pitch in, but I'm not wimpy. My parents discipline, the way they raised me.  Everything thing that I have done or gone through has prepared me for this, thats not coincidence, that's God.

  I love you guys and wish I could share more. I can get on the internet twice a week, so I'll keep you posted. Also I may have to change my email, because my email is not working properly. I can receive just not send. :)