He Comes To Seek, Kill and Destroy

When I have dealt with spiritual warfare before it always comes in specific ways, loosing focus, procrastination, emotions, but most of all inadequacy!! I had expected it some, the emotions and loosing focus, but I made the mistake of preparing for it. Yes, I recognize that we need to be ready for the battle, but the enemy knew I was putting on my armor, guarding my heart, so the enemy tried another tactic....he left me alone!

Previously, I went on a mission trip for about a month, while preparing for it I had dealt with inadequacy with people and guys. Funny I know! My thoughts would be "how can you go over and expect some complete stranger to except you when you can't even get the people you know too" or the exact same thing but throw in the word guys instead of people. Like I normally do with emotions, I pushed those issues aside, and down, instead of dealing with them, thinking "I don't care", the sad thing was, later I realized I did. I came home on "spiritual Mt. Everest" (which can be more dangerous then being in a valley,because after all "what goes up must come down")and then after a couple of months I went down. Defiance started it, and exhaustion ended it. After losing a battle I thought I would win, I was sitting on my bed with tears, and my bible. I remember going through my bible and coming across Psalm 51. Have you ever had that moment when you need some verse right then? And then when you do it's like Jesus is literally speaking to you saying "Here my child this what you need, this is what I want you to know and hear". And it's like peace just comes over you! The amazing thing was it did! Psalm 51 one is a confession of sin that David wrote after he committed adultery with Bathsheba, he claims "Purify me with hyssop, and I shall become clean; Wash me and I will become whiter than snow." But you can tell the guilt that he feels like the Lord should shun him right then and there. But that's the amazing thing about grace.

Sorry, bunny trail, but one I felt I should share. I told you the enemy left me alone, but only enough to play with my mind and get me careless. Which was a mistake on my part! Then he striked me with confusion. Confusion with a friendship in my life, someone that I am close too. But, that confusion was slowly clearing and then inadequacy and emotions hit one after one. By the time I would prepare for one the other would hit. And still are. No it's not fully his fault, it's mine for falling for it as well. After all like my mom says "It takes two to fight". But, I'm learning my armor well, and how to fight as I am training for some later battle. 

While I have been preparing for this I have been stretched and of course had to go to battle already. I am learning, I am learning to control emotions, keep anger in it's place, mixed emotions in theirs. I am learning the power of prayer partners, which is somewhat new to me. I am learning the power of faith. Those moments of dependence, where you have to cry out to God and say "Okay Lord as much as I want to control this situation, you to"!