First off there are a couple things you should know about me, 1) I am new at this blogging thing so it will get better with time, and 2) I am southern so there may be a few "Hey Y'all"'s in the mix! But I will try to refrain :)!
A couple of years ago I heard about a program called "Global Year", where about-to-be college students can take a year off and go into the mission field, my response was of course "Okay that's cool" and I kinda blew it off! Last semester my mom introduced me to a student that had gone to a country through Global Year, but my response was again "Okay that's neat, maybe I'll consider it". There were distractions in my life at the time that I honestly believe were put there so I wouldn't go into this program. At the time like most high school students I had a plan. It was my plan that I had had for years and was sure was what God wanted me to do, or rather I wanted to do and there was nothing wrong with it so of course that's what God wanted! Come on I wanted to go straight into college, get married, be a stay-at-home mom, with a loving, godly husband that had integrity and character, and live happily ever after! Something like a "Leave it to Beaver" routine! This was my plan, my dream and if God wanted us in the mission field then we would go! I'm not saying my dream/plan couldn't still happen, there have been students that come back and decide not to go into a form of missions and go into to other aspects of society, but that was God's plan for them, and at this moment I was being a stubborn child wanting her own way! After the fog cleared a little and the distractions left, God had put me at a point that the only person I could go to for answers, the only person I could cry out to, literally, was him. He was the only one who could heal me, the only one who could answer my questions, because my plan had just shattered. After some soul and bible searching, praying and asking for prayer I found that I was to take a year off and go through Global Year. Little did I know I had another decision to come.
One of things with this program is that you choose your top two countries out of the ten that they offer. The one place I had always wanted to go was on the list...Ireland, again in my own little thought process it was where God wanted me, I had always wanted to go there and it was on the list. Duh! Change in plans again. I could never settle on Ireland, actually I could never settle on any country! And again after toying with countries and praying for discernment and still no answer, I decided that even though "me" wanted to go to Ireland, and the Holy Spirit kept "saying no not that one", I would leave the country blank in my application and leave it up to the leadership to send me where they thought appropriate. And that decision my friends puts me in South Africa!!
This past year has been rough. I won't deny it. There has been many times I have cried alone, been mad at people, parents and even God. There have been countless times I have listened to the songs "More Beautiful You", "Hold My Heart"and "By Your Side"! Many times I have felt alone, invisible, out of place, confused, angry and relieved, whether they are separately OR all at once! But it has also been one of the best years of my life, God has shown himself and blessed so many things! Through decisions, prayers being answered, a joy and a peace that I haven't felt in a long time, friendships being made and even encounters.
I have always known God existed, but for some reason I am one of those people that needs to see it! I have faith smaller then a mustard seed, it's more like a molecule if not an atom! But it's like now my eyes have been opened, the scales removed, I can see him and his glory, not literally, but in the sun rising in the morning over the mountains, in godly friendships that are blooming, in my family, in my small group at church, in people that he is working in and through, and the changing of hearts.
Trust me, I'm not always this optimistic, I'm not always happy, or mature! I still like to sit down and color in my "Disney Princess Coloring Book", I lose my temper, and even snap at people, which I did last night! But more and more, day-by-day I'm learning of God's grace and patience.
"But we speak God's wisdom in a mystery, the hidden wisdom of God predestined before the ages to our glory!
1 Corinthians 2:7
